Thursday, April 20, 2006

De por qué el inglés es una mierda o las tildes del español, entre otras cosas, son GENIALES.

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

Some other reasons to be grateful if you grew up speaking English:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.

Screwy pronunciations can mess up your mind!
For example ... If you have a rough cough, climbing can be tough when going through the bough on a tree!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted.
But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that . . . quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people . . .
Recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. ...If Dad is Pop, how's come Mom isn't Mop?.

ET-CÉ-TE-RA...

4 comments:

A l p h a said...

De dónde obtuviste todo tu temita completo?

http://www.fun-with-words.com/double_english.html

o

http://www.cupola.com/html/wordplay/english1.htm


me dices, ok?

LanthanumHexaboride said...

No tengo ni la más mínima idea de dónde lo obtuve. Ha estado en mi carpeta de "textos interesantes" por, según creo, al menos 3, 4 o 5 años (quizá más...).

LanthanumHexaboride said...

Ah, Monique, probablemente (nótese que es sólo una teoría) tus compañeros no le encontraron gracia alguna porque no saben suficiente inglés como para entender cuál es la gracia.

Dios Dios said...

Por algo siempre he odiado al inglés... aunque admitámoslo, Asia y hacia tampoco causan mucha gracia... y... la rima no fue intencional...

Además, hay que aceptar que, pese a que es un ASCO, el inglés es bastante práctico. Aquí, si quieres convertir un sustantivo en verbo lo tienes que modificar, a veces dejándolo horrible, pero en inglés es igual... Si quisiera, por ejemplo y sin razón (o sentido) alguna, "hacer constitución", qué dirías? Constitucionar? (no, no es constitucionalizar, porque eso es hacer constitucional, diferente de constitucionar, que sería... "hacer constitución). En cambio, en inglés lo dejas igual y ya es un pinche verbo.

Además de eso hay otros detallitos, como la manera de hacer palabras compuestas de la nada. Cosas como missconception, que en español no lo puedes decir con una sola palabra.

Y, otra razón bastante fuerte, es que muchas palabras (quizá la mayoría de las que la gente usa a diario) son monosílabos, lo que no sólo hace que su pronunciación sea más fácil (para los huevones), sino que hace que crear poesía, canciones o cualquier cosa que requiera métrica precisa, sea por demás sencillo!

Pragmatismo o romanticismo y precisión? Aceptémoslo, ni siquiera hablamos el español con perfección (que es la manera menos ambigua de hablarlo)... es de esperarse que la gente prefiera el inglés. No tiene acentos y importa qué tan mal escribas una palabra, suena igual! Aquí nomás cambias un acentirijillo y ya valió verga.

Mónica: tus amigos son unos idiotas, jaja.


On a difffffferent (con quinientas F's... )subject... alguien ha presionado el ícono de minusválido que está enseguida de la verificación de palabra? Sale un sonido raro... dice "nueve.. CERO, seis... CERO, tres..." y me tomó como 5 "oidas" para entenderle... además de que hay unos sonidos de fondo... a lo mejor si lo tocas alrevés se oye la voz de satanás...


ykyirm